Inner Child

 We are the result of all that happened or did not happen to us when we were children.
Every Child is born Innocent……….Sophia Roy Choudhury

Each one of us has had thousands of varied experiences while we were growing up.
Some sweet, some happy, some magical, others scary, painful or down right traumatic.

We started the saga of our experiences much before we were born.

The heart, mind, body and soul were being woven together during the gestation period in our mother’s womb. Information as impressions & imprints were coded into our subconscious while we were in the womb space. Past life karmic connections, soul contracts & vows also influence the child in the womb at the physical, mental & soul levels.

In the womb, our Mother’s emotions and feelings affected us deeply.

They had the power to make us feel peaceful, wanted, happy & secure. Alternatively our mother’s feelings and emotions also had the power to make us feel unloved, unhappy, rejected and insecure. These were the seeds that were planted within us ‘in utero’. We experienced the world through our mother’s feelings & emotions.

The relationship between our parents had a deep impact on our state of being in the womb.

The feelings and emotions of our mother, the birth process and environment all made lasting impressions on us as a new born baby. These impressions informed us if the world was a safe, happy & welcoming place. If our parents were happy & welcomed us whole heartedly with warmth and love, we felt validated and accepted.

The birth experience affected us deeply.

It could have been happy, difficult or traumatic.  If the birthing experience was traumatic or if we were not welcomed, we understood that the world could not be trusted and was unsafe. If we were not given the first welcoming hugs, love and warmth or separated from our parents at birth, especially from mother, we felt rejected.

The separation could have been for medical reasons like premature / caesarian birth or neo natal sickness. Claustrophobia & loneliness caused by the incubator informed the new born child that he/she is rejected and the world is a scary place.

The mind of a young child is like a sponge. It takes in all and everything from the environment.

All that is said or unsaid is absorbed. Every smile, frown and gesture
Of the parents and significant others finds a place in the growing mind. These become reference points of the child’s view of its world.

In the words of Madame’ Maria Montessori, Nobel Laureate for Peace

The child’s parents are its world. The mother is the first teacher
Parenting is intuitively what the parents received from their own parents. Even the most loving and well-meaning parents can cause wounding and trauma to their child.

Many parents themselves are products of dysfunctional & broken families.
Many have lived with relations, grandparents, in boarding schools or grow up in orphanages.  These parents have had no parental role models to follow while parenting their children.

At times parents are busy, stressed & do not have time and patience for their children. Many feel it is enough to take care of a child’s basic needs of food, education and shelter. They do not lay a huge emphasis on hugs, cuddles, me time and deep interaction with their children. Many patriarchal cultures do not encourage opens show of emotions.

(Art by Saatchi Arts, for academic purpose only)

Ancestral wounding down generations has a direct impact on the mental & emotional make up of a child. Survivors and progeny of holocausts during the Nazi regime, burning  at the stake of medicine people, partition of India, sati system,jihad,slavery ,aparatheid,refugees, war etc. all  energetically contribute  to the emotional and mental conditioning

Family principles and values are the unwritten rules that a child has to adhere to. Children learn early in life that they have to conform to the wishes and desires of their parents and significant others. Their life can be happy if they are ‘Good Children’. If they do not follow what is expected of them, then they are labeled ‘Bad Children’. They lose the approval and love of their parents. This is the biggest fear for a child.

Parents are the child’s world and he/she will make every effort to be a ‘good child’. In the process, the child may lose bits and fragments of her/his authentic character or soul.

The innocent child will do everything to gain and keep their parents’ approval. The child will try to meet their desires and expectations as he/she grows. These may be contrary to what the child wants. Often the child is not allowed to express his/her view or wishes. If the child feels judged or unaccepted he/she will quickly learn to hide their deepest desires and longings. At times the child is physically and emotionally abused by his/her parents/family or a stranger. Sometimes parents do not believe the child when he/she says they have been abused. The child is reprimanded for telling lies about the abuse. This happens when the abuser is within the family or friend circle.

The traumatized child is shamed and made to feel guilty for something that is Not his/her fault. He/she develops Toxic Shame. He/she is too young to analyze and so feels he/she is the problem & not that there is a problem.

This is the beginning of internalizing everything that has gone wrong. Unconsciously the child blames itself and never the parent or abuser. The child feels there is something wrong/with him/her and that is the reasons all these things are happening to it. The child will then start denying many integral feelings and emotions within him/her self, in order to be in sync with what is required of him/her. The child will repress, suppress, project, introject, be in denial or reject their feelings and emotions altogether. The child developed certain defense mechanisms to use for its survival.

These feelings get buried deep in the child’s unconscious. That is why very traumatic memories cannot be recalled easily.

When the child is unable to express his/her trauma, a soul wounding takes place. A part of the soul gets fragmented and is lost in the soul caves of consciousness.

The empty place or voids are wounds left by the fragmented soul seek for love that will make the pain go away.

The child also fears punishment by parents and teachers if he/she does not confirm to what is required by them. The child then starts living a double or imaginary life where he can confirm to his significant others in public. He/she then starts living in imaginary world in their private time.

These are masks that the child develops and operates out of. These masks continue hiding the real person inside. The masks are safety mechanisms a young, vulnerable, innocent and dependent child develops to survive in his/her world.
Unfortunately these masks and safety mechanisms remain present when a child becomes an adult. By this time there are many more masks and defense mechanisms firmly in place like armor.
Besides this parents & significant others, the child is deeply influenced by his school,peers,community,religion,culture,traditions and all round conditioning from the environment.

The Inner Child was born at certain times, when we were hurt, traumatized, shamed,  abused, rejected or abandoned. This child grew up with as best as he/she could in the circumstances.

It is not necessarily that the parents, care givers and significant others caused this wounding. It can happen even if the child comes from a family of loving, well-meaning and supportive parents. These wounds are passed on culturally, environmentally and out of ignorance of the care givers.

The wound of soul fragmentation or loss is carried into the adult life.
Adults harm themselves and others with inappropriate behaviors. They try to fill the void created by soul loss with addiction to alcohol, sex, food, shopping etc. These can severely compromise the safety and health & of self, family & society.

As an adult there are times when feelings and emotions trigger the impressions created in uteri and childhood.

Many times we come to a place deep within the core of ourselves. A feeling that is familiar to us but which we cannot remember offhand. We try to hide the tears welling up and swallow the lump in our throat. We wonder what the cause of these emotions is. Why certain people, places, things and events make us feel like a wounded, vulnerable, lonely, helpless, fearful or abandoned child.

Scenes, situations and events that caused the soul flight and fragmentation duplicate themselves energetically.

Buried memories bring up waves of emotions & feelings of abandonment, rejection, shame, guilt, unworthiness, abuse and many others. These can evoke strong emotions & feelings of anger, fear, rage, frustration and helplessness. The body also duplicates these in its stance, clenching of muscles, expressions etc. At times these will be accompanied with body aches, migraines, cold, cough and stiffness. All within a few seconds of the trigger. If these seemingly small/momentary discomforts are left unattended they may lead to other dis-ease and sickness.

Arthritis, asthma, cardiac issues, cancer, skin conditions, skeletal & mental issues have their roots in the old festering wounds of our childhood. The trauma gets embedded in our energy body and continues to inform our physical body till it finds release.

At times we react to a situation, individual or event with anger, rage, aggression, withdrawal, indifference or fear. We blame others. When we look back at an incident, situation or person that disturbed us, we wonder why we reacted or behaved in a particular manner. We think the cause is our relationships, people at work, career or any other reason. Try as we might we are unable to understand and overcome the feeling of being stuck and are unable to move forward.

We wonder if we could have controlled ourselves or done something to have averted the situation.

However we see that this is a pattern within us. In spite of our best intentions we reach this place any how! If nothing works we resort to stone walling, thus taking ourselves further away from our authentic selves and relationships. We so want to come to a place of stability, peace and confidence within ourselves.

We long for every day, regular happiness and for life to flow as smoothly as possible. We are tired of sitting on the fence and watch the world go by.

We have tried so many tips, motivational lectures and manifestation programs. Yet the key to our deep discontent and dis illusion continues to be inaccessible. A sense of unease and discontent seem to have become our companion. We seem to lose our grip on situations and get triggered to reacting rather than taking action. The adult lives & operates from these places of wounded ness when triggered by events that happened in the childhood & growing years.

Well friends these feelings and emotions are those lost and fragmented soul parts or the Inner Child clamoring for validation and healing! The adult now has a choice to reach into him/herself and validate the Inner Child. Reparent this Inner Child with love and offer unconditional support.  The adult needs to let go of all survival and defense mechanisms he/she used as a child.
Now the individual may consciously invite and Integrate the fragmented parts of his/her soul and forge new energetic pathways. These will empower the individual to live a more authentic, soul satisfying and real life.

Friends do you resonate with this post?
Do you Feel, 

Something is missing in your life
Stuck and cannot take your life where you want it to go
Less worthy, small, ashamed and doubtful of yourself
You are unable to create the life of your dreams, in spite of being talented and gifted
You are unable to forge and sustain relationships
You operate mostly from the intellect and ignore the promptings of your heart
You do not feel validated, admired, respected loved and liked the way you deserve to
There a disconnect between what you thing, feel, say and do

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